Monday, 1 September 2008

Into the Valley of Death...


Sometimes, things don't go as well for us as we would want, do they? You know; you order something and the wrong colour item arrives, or you marry someone and they turn out to be mad or French or something. Well, someone in Wales must have experienced either or both of these and more, because he decided to end it all.

The gentleman in question, Ian Noll, was described as 'jobless and penniless', so must have been feeling pretty pissed off before the final straw broke the camel's back; whatever that was. It must have been fairly bad, because he took his brother's car 'without permission' (surprising that; 'Hey bro, may I borrow your car as I want to drive to a remote spot and top myself?'), drove to a remote spot near Merthyr Tydfil (that alone would do it for me) and rigged up a gas cannister to the car.

Then, as one does when one is contemplating one's final moments, he turned on the car radio. He must have tuned in to something rather pedestrian as 'Que Sera Sera' by Doris Day was being played. Upon hearing this song, he decided that things were not so bad after all. His heart was lifted. He pulled himself up, turned up the radio and lit a cigarette to celebrate.

That was when the car burst into flames, exploding with such force that the local rugby team were moved to leave the bar for a short time. They rushed to his assistance and he was in turn rushed to hospital where he was treated for severe burns.

It's at this stage of the game that our society lets us down as far as I'm concerned. After suffering all of this, the redoubtable Mr. Noll was now charged and hauled up before the local beak, where he was duly convicted of arson and handed a 12 month community service order. In addition, his licence was endorsed for the 'Taking Without Consent' charge.

Finally, the magistrate ordered the hapless Mr. Noll to complete an 'Enhanced Thinking Skills Course' to ensure no repetition.

Apparently, the gentleman in question was Welsh...

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