In Cardiff, no-one can hear you scream. Tidy...

They're back. Or here. Or not, which frankly seems most likely. In a day and age where everyone and his dog has a camera in their mobile phone - my dog certainly has anyway - the Little Green Men are circling our planet again, presumably to establish once and for all why its inhabitants are not at all little or indeed, green.

In Wales, a police helicopter crew have recently spotted what is described as an 'unusual aircraft' in the Vale of Glamorgan. However, the 3-man crew could not, sadly, capture any images of said unusual aircraft before a) the thing completely disappeared and b) the crew returned to earth. In more ways than one I suspect. South Wales Police said that the crew did not give chase and described them as 'very experienced' although I'm not sure what that actually means when it comes to UFO sightings.

Can you imagine reporting this?

'Golf Zulu Tango Oscar. We'd like to report a UFO sighting. Serious.'

'Serious, Golf Oscar? I'm not sure I know what to do with this. Does the Sarge know?'

'Er, no Davydd. We haven't told the Sarge yet.'

'Golf Oscar. What did it look like Jonesy?'

'Well, it was large, like - with big flashy lights. It looked a little like Swansea on a summers' evening.'

'Swansea, eh, Golf Oscar? The whole of Swansea? Or just the waterfront?

'Not sure really. It wasn't around long enough to tell.'

'Golf Oscar! It's the Sarge! He's not lookin' 'appy!'

'Give me that mic! Golf Oscar! Stop pissing about in that chopper and get back to base.'

The main reason for the lack of recent UFO sightings is a pretty simple one. There aren't any. Really. We are so technologically advanced these days that if there was ANYTHING out there, we would have found it by now and as I said above, UFO sightings essentially stopped in the late '70s after people slowed down on their dope intake and started routinely carrying cameras.

I'll leave the last words to Mr. George Withrington of St. Mellons. 'I saw something peculiar', he said. 'With lots of flashing lights.' 

That'll be the police van George, on its way to collect the helicopter crew...