I'm The Big Brother of a Celebrity, get me the X Factor out of here....

So - celebrity reality television season is well under way. We are in the middle of 'Big Brother' 59 and have more of the same on its way. It's just been announced that we are not going to be subjected to AntandDec anymore as Davina McCall is going to be hosting the next series of 'I'm a Celebrity....'

Apparently Bobby f'ing Davro (not his real name) is being touted as one of the so-called 'celebs' that get paid through the nose for a few weeks of eating hardly anything and pretending to be 'brave'.

Here at Stir The Beans, we have a better idea for a reality show. It's called 'Celebrity Surgery Island'. All the 'D' to 'Z' listers around would qualify; you know the type - someone who once stood on Jimmy Savile's toe at a Royal Garden Party; someone who once did an audition for a Mars Bar advert; someone who used to be on 'Hollyoaks'; someone who slept with the son of a soap actor and Jodie f'ing Marsh (not her real name) - in short, any of the previous contestants who have been on all of these appalling shows for the last few years.

Once all of these losers have been gathered together somewhere in the Caribbean, the idea is to get them relaxed. This part of the show would be easy; just give them loads of Tennants Extra. Then comes the fun bit. The 'celebs' are divided into two groups and are given a letter each.

The viewers are given a list of surgical procedures - everything from in-growing toenail removal to open heart surgery. Then, the viewers phone in and match the procedure to two letters...

So for instance, you would call in and match letter 'C' (sad ex soap star) to 'G' (wannabe footballers' wife) to, say, an appendicectomy.

Then, each unsuspecting 'Celeb' is taken to another island and one is made to operate on the other WITHOUT ANAESTHETIC.

OK, so the format is a little rough at the moment and may need tidying up a little before we pitch it, but you see where we're going with this. It would rid the world of these hopeless loons whilst providing first class entertainment for the masses...

Sigh; one can only dream.

Oh - and I know the picture has no relevance, but it's so ridiculous, I had to post it.